The hardest breakup of MY LIFE

The hardest breakup of MY LIFE

This is my morning. Wake up, pee, weigh myself, get a cup of coffee, check my phone, weigh myself again 3 times in a row juuuuust to make sure it is right. Then proceed on with my day. I am super prone to wild fluctuations, I can eat a piece of pizza and gain 8 lbs. No Joke! I've tried fasting and lost almost nothing, despite eating almost nothing.

I've stayed close to fitness for a few years now and I know that the scale really means very little. Yet, here I am weighing myself everyday. FOUR TIMES. This week I spent my drive into the gym, plotting all the ways I was going to tell Mike, how the macros he has me on are obviously not working because I am up 2 lbs (for today) despite being within a few percentage points of my macros everyday. Having a full on conversation in my head about how this is not working, and much to my "delight" its stats day! So I hop on the scale, yup! still up a few lbs. I pull out my little bingo wings and my fat pinch is down? Hmm. That is weird. We measure my neck, hips, arms... all smaller? What the heck? I am down a full percent of just body fat in 12 days!

I had to concede to the fact that yet again the scale is in such a small way an indicator of what I am doing. I know my main goal is to build muscle. There are a million jokes about "gainz" in the fitness community, yet when I see gainz on the scale, I lose my mind.

Lifting is hard. Sometimes I am sure I am dying. There is sweat in my eyes, I'm all weird and trembly. What is harder than lifting steel over my face is trusting the process. Believing that this is the better route. When all my friends are eating nothing but grapefruit, diet coke and cigarettes and losing weight and I am gaining weight This is the better route. When women on T.V are getting lipo and drinking cayenne & syrup. This is still the better way.

In conjunction with hitting my macros and going to the gym regularly my goal for the next two weeks is to not weigh myself. Getting healthy includes developing an appropriate relationship with food, fitness and scale obsession. I'm spending my free time lifting heavy things, I am bound to gain some weight. Luckily its not that jiggly muffin top weight, its those squareish quad, rounded glutes type weight.