What do you do when your own body hates itself? Part 1

Honestly, who knows?!  Recently, my body has decided to go through some sort of revolt.  I started to have horrible cold fire pains in my stomach (directly under my sternum).  Having a history of stomach problems at first I thought it was just a flair up of an existing issue.  But this was different.  This wasn’t presenting itself in the typical manner I was used to.

I tried to start food journaling again.  Making sure to note how I was feeling that day and all the other embarrassing details my body was going through the day (you know how doctors just love to hear about your bowel movements).  But it’s so hard to food journal on days you don’t feel like crap.  And on the days you do feel like crap the last thing you want to do is write it all down and highlight how crappy you really feel.  But the symptoms were getting increasingly worse.

I was getting angry at my stomach and myself.  This wasn’t fair!  One day I ate whatever I wanted because if I was going to feel like I ate barbed wire dipped in lava it better taste damn delicious!  On that day I didn’t have any pain, cue completely bamboozled expression.  In hindsight I don’t believe it was the fatty cheeseburger that settled my stomach I think it was all the carbs because for me carbs have always been a blanket of comfort.  I know that is NOT standard for a lot of people but my stomach is a crazy mystery.

I then started feeling really depressed.  I wanted to keep in my macros but I didn’t want to be painful.  How was I going to make gains and succeed if I couldn’t eat the way I was supposed to?  And if I ate the way I was supposed to how was I going to work out if I felt like I had Satan in my esophagus?

So without a very complete food journal I called the doctor.  This problem had been carrying on for over a month and I thought it was just some silly passing thing.  Then I started to worry maybe I had an ulcer, others suspected gallbladder issues.  After a thorough abdominal ultrasound and a gambit of blood work I can tell you that it is neither an ulcer nor a gallbladder issue.  My pancreas, liver and other levels have all came back normal.  This was very good and very frustrating news to hear.  I wanted something to point somewhere so I could have some relief.  Fortunately, my doctor feels that maybe it isn’t something quite as awful as my mind is making it.  Maybe for some unknown reason either my stomach or esophagus is angry and inflamed.  I have started taking acid reducers on a trial basis for a month to give time for healing and so far it has been wonderful!  I am not 100% symptom free but anything in a positive direction I will take!

I am not out of the woods, not even close.  An endoscopy may still be in my very near future.  But now after a vacation and whole lot of back sliding with very little stomach issues I am ready to get back into the game.  I was so depressed and down on myself I thought about giving it all up.  I now have a renewed sense of accomplishment and hope that I can heal from this stomach thing and make some beautiful progress in the gym.  Here is to hope guys!