At the gym this week I reached an emotional breaking point. I had felt like I was doing OK with my food. Granted, some days I would slip up a little more than other days, I honestly felt like it was all OK. Unfortunately, there was no positive move in my measurements for the week. They went in the WRONG direction. What was I supposed to say? I broke and cried at Mike. I didn’t want to. I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes just waiting for the trigger from my brain to turn me into a red, splotchy, embarrassing mess. I even had the pre-emptive quiver lip, horrible right?
To be honest with myself at this point, I hated eating. I hate salads, they leave me unfulfilled. And chewing through one of those damn things is the most disgusting thing possible. I feel like a discontent stegosaurus chomping through all those bitter leaves. I felt hungry all the time. I rarely came remotely close to my protein goal (which would explain the hunger). If you are curious to what the cry trigger was it was to announce out loud what I had come to discover, “I hate eating now”.
Fortunately, Mike is a strong man and didn’t wilt under the frightening sight of crying female. At least not outwardly. I can only imagine it was an uncomfortable position to be in but he didn’t show it. We moved on from the measurements to get a workout in and discuss what CAN I do and where is the silver lining. I can still eat carbs and sweets just not in mass quantities. I am going to have to be more calculated and cunning in getting them in my diet. I don’t have to eat salads, perhaps reduce the leaf amount some and try them in a wrap. Protein is going to have to come from somewhere. Dairy, meat, jerky (I know technically meat), protein powder, fish, nuts (although high in fat so be careful) and any combination there-of.
It’s hard to get your dietary list and your personal list to match up sometimes. We get busy, we get stressed, we get careless and make excuses. Sometimes we eat our feelings, we eat to celebrate, we eat to mourn, we eat when we are bored, we just eat.
I have went three days and managed to get my macros within two grams either direction of my goal amount. This is monumental for me. I will be trying to plan my days out ahead of time to make sure I have room for that bowl of pasta at dinner or that Cadbury egg after lunch. Not every day will be a success (birthday cake is happening tonight, sorry Mike). There will be slips, falls and full on face plants but I will keep on trying. And hopefully no more crying at the gym.***I just passed up free chocolate handouts at the office!! Feel free to praise me!!***
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