Toys and Juices

The gym is such an awkward place to be.  A bunch of strangers get together in a communal building and start sweating and grunting while wearing form fitting clothing in close proximity to each other.  It typically is a symphony of smells to the olfactory system as well.  There is the smell of machines, faint oil and iron, and that isn’t horrible.  It’s the smell that emanates from yourself or your fellow gym goer’s; sweat, body odor, over-done cologne and protein farts (way worse, ask my husband).  It’s a small wonder why any of us keep going back but alas we have goals and know exercise is good for us.

There is not a whole lot you can do about most of these things.  It’s the nature of the beast.  You are going to sweat, it’s the body’s air conditioning system trying to cool you down.  Farts sometime slip, you are lifting heavy things, that’s a lot of pressure, it’s understandable. 

Please note this is not my sweat silhouette.

What is NOT understandable is leaving puddles around the gym.  It’s gross.  No one particularly cares that you have your sweat on.  They care if you are leaving crotch butterflies on the machine seats or sweat halos on the benches!  No one else wants to steep in your juices.  That is why it is important that you wipe down your machines and benches when you are done.  Cleaning up after your own foul behind isn’t near as gag inducing as cleaning up after some stranger.

After you are done wiping up your fluids make sure you also take time to rack your weights.  It does not make you a bad ass to leave every plate on the bar, it just makes you an ass.  Now I have to wrestle all the plates off the bar and put them away when I just want to get my set done.  It’s not that I can’t do it.  I don’t want to have to do it and slow down.  Now imagine you are an overwhelmed new person, who might not be able to wrestle that much plate weight.  Congratulations!  You just turned a person who was trying to better themselves away, frustrating them with the whole gym experience and culture. 

RAGE!!

And don’t even get me started on dumbbells!  Why?  WWWHHHHYYYYY???!!! Are they tossed haphazardly in front of the stand instead of on it?  Maybe you lifted till failure?  I highly doubt you failed and then couldn’t subsequently rack your 25-pound weight, faceless past gym goer!!!  And the constant inner monologue “I really need those 20’s but they are by that bench” looks around gym. “Who is using that bench?  Anyone?  Are they in between sets?  Are th
ose poor weights all alone?”  I don’t want to cut in someone’s set ruining their flow but I also don’t want to alter my path for someone who isn’t even there.  I have goals I am chasing too, ya know?

So remember dumbbells go in pairs in ascending order, left to right.  Plates go on the trees and stands around the machine/benches they were with, same with barbells.  And finally sweat puddles get mopped up with the provided paper towels and spray.  We all have to share this space so let’s try to keep things nice, shall we?