I always knew that there were women body builders, you know those overly tan women that looked exactly like the men on stage? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Up until a few years ago I thought that's all there was. I was under the impression that there were "toned" women, athletes, and "bodybuilders" I ran across an account on facebook that would drastically change the direction of my goals. It was a woman, who lifted huge weights and didn't look like a man. She did fitness competitions and little did I know there were different classes! Different types of goals, different types of bodies. I was instantly obsessed. I found that I was drawn to the bikini category. Bikini is less muscle, a higher body fat. The emphasis is on looking feminine with balance and shape. That is exactly what I had been dreaming about. I wanted that. The bodies were amazing! In the back of my mind for 4 years I've had dreams of getting to that place. I wanted to try that. I've had some frustrations about it though, I have a pretty big frame. How was I ever going to get that small, and was it even attainable? So I paired up with my gym buddy, got up at 6 am and made our way across the state to see a show in real life! I had to see what these women looked like for real. Not through selective picture posts, not through IG filters.

Just like that, I lost my enchantment for the bikini competitors, I mean they were all beautiful, you could see hours of dedication on each of their frames, but it didn't hit me right in the guts like I thought it would.

UNTIL, UNTIL the figure competitors came out. This is it! These women had what I wanted! There were biceps and triceps a plenty, quads and glutes galore, you want abs? they've got plenty.

I found myself more enamored with each passing minute. This seemed attainable for whatever reason. I'm going to do this! I'm realistic and honest with myself that it is going to take a while, that I have hormonal disturbances that create major problems and that I'm busy, but I am going to do this! Maybe it will take me 6 months, maybe it will take me 2 years? I don't get to know.


I want to see what my body is capable of. I want to see that my mind is strong enough to control my body. My body, my injuries, my thyroid have been in the control seat for the last 5 years, and I'm done.

I once heard something to the effect that there is no greater travesty than to live your life never knowing what you are capable of, and that is where I am at. There it is. That's a huge statement, but I'm training to do a competition.

I feel like I just came out of the bodybuilding closet. Stay tuned, I feel like this is going to be a wild ride.