CURSE YOU BLASTED BUTT SWEAT!

Butts like armpits are a nest of fleshy heat.  Here, come with me on an "imaginary" adventure.  Sun is shining, in walks Tanesha.  Arms flared out like a body builder, hair up, and some hot new pants.  I load up some bangin weights and my pre-workout kicks in, I get in the zone, I am pretty much the hulk.  20 minutes go by.  I am burning off belly fat sweaty and sparkling from all the fat crying right off my gut, when I look up and see an adorable little bikini of moisture.  Okay, like not little, like a dang skirt of wetness.  What the heck CURSE YOU BLASTED BUTT SWEAT!  It looks like I peed myself!


The more you exercise regularly the more you sweat, the body stops thinking that it is dying and realizes that a little sweat will cool you down.  We have a couple different types of sweat glands, luckily for the people around us the booty is littered with apocrine glands, not familiar with them huh?  well they are not only the most active but the glands that stink!  Meaning a sweaty butt can even mean a stinky butt




Here are a few suggestions of what to do (and not to do) with your sweaty butt:


1.  Shower regularly!  I always shower *before* I go to the gym.  The last thing I want is to be mentally obsessing about if i smell funky or like a damn onion ring while I am bent over.  I have washed off the bacteria that makes sweat pungent so when I dry I shouldn't smell.


2.  Cotton panties!  I know there is a huge market for yoga underwear that is make out of plastic-y fruit leather or something, but dont fall victim!  Cotton is a great absorbent fabric!  Think gauze, you just want to make sure you change your clothes soon after your sweat fest to prevent bigger problems.
3.  Let it go! No one cares, the dude next to you probably has a sweaty butt too, guys are just lucky enough to have breathable basketball shorts be the standard gym uniform.  Honestly any guy that wants to laugh at you for sweating is mentally in 7th grade and you have no room for that in your beautiful metamorphosis!


Some things not to do:


1.  Don't use powder!  You are gonna make powder dough-balls between your thighs.  The only thing worse than leaving sweaty butt fairies on the bench would be to leave a powder trail.  Dont do it!  Not to mention any powder containing talc should never go near the who-who it is a known carcinogen.

2.  Don't go at it half ass to save yourself embarrassment.  You are still going to look silly at the gym- we all do.  Grunty faces, that weird knee slapper machine, sky humping and butt sweat its all part of the gig.  Dont deny yourself a super hot body and a happy life because your body gets moist.  Huge bodies get moist too.  Im just happier with a sweat ring around my fit butt, than a sweat ring in my back rolls.