I have not been in the gym for two weeks. I have not been to yoga, and I have only danced a couple of times. Instead I have been packing and moving two households, unpacking, cleaning, and being a social activist. My body is pissed and my emotional body needs kindness.
It’s Thursday, Better Stronger Faster Fitness day, a day I typically look forward to. Today I feel a sense of lethargy and dread. I do not have the time, I do not have the constitution to be pushed, I do not...do not...do not…
Then I remember two things: one is that thinking makes things so. When we overthink we can talk ourselves out of anything. I had talked myself out of packing my gym clothes, and seeing the situation I was consciously unconsciously creating, I just put my clothes in the car without committing to anything. When it was time to go to the gym I didn't think about it, I just drove there, not shaping in my mind what I would or would not do. Each thing Mike asked me to do I did, without thinking about it first, focusing in the present moment on the action he was asking me to take. This is how, step by step, little by little, I moved through my workout and i remembered why I love Thursdays so much.
The second thing I remembered was to be an advocate for myself. I messaged Mike ahead of time and shared that I was having a hard day and needed a workout that would help me feel better about myself, not worse. Goals that would challenge me but that he knew I could attain. He said he could do that , and asked if it was OK to make it so I couldn’t like my arms. I shared that that felt just about right, and it did.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to just show up, and see what happens. Whoever we are, trans/gender diverse or otherwise, the most freeing and productive relationships are the ones in which we can collaborate on solutions that move your closer to your collective goals. Workouts are about far more than the working out. This is where my workout took me today.
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