Positive Directions

So last week it was pinch time.  You know, the awesome time where they pinch your skin and see how much fat you have in there.  As much as I dislike the whole process I still seem to have some sort of sick fascination in wanting to know where I am.  I will be honest with you, it makes the even the most body confident/comfortable person cringe.  It’s putting yourself out there in a very emotionally vulnerable position.  But to the pinch defense it gives information you wouldn’t otherwise know, it’s a relatively short process, and no one is paying attention but you and your trainer.  I try and go to my happy place and ignore it.  Of course, I then try to act only mildly interested once all the data is collected and evaluated.

All my hard work in the kitchen paid off these last few weeks!  I am happy to announce the numbers that we wanted down, went down and the numbers we wanted up, went up!!  Best.  Feeling.  Ever.
This whole thing is a journey.  I was in relatively fit shape when I began this whole process.  I think the fact that I am not trying to diet to lose weight is what blows the most minds.  I am eating a diet to build muscle.  You have to feed those muscles if you want them to grow and apparently it’s a pain in the butt to balance.

Here are some of the things that I find are working for me.

8 g of protein and they taste awesome!

•  Find a food combo that works and stick to it!!!  For me my snack every work day is cottage cheese and later yogurt.  Yogurt is like my afternoon sweets craving replacement.  I drink a protein shake either in the AM (if I am on my way to the gym in a hurry) or at night (after training or a run session).  I then try and fill in around those what else I need.  It works don’t rock the boat.
• Plan ahead, even though it sucks.  I am thinking about my whole day’s food before I even get started with the day.  For me starting with dinner and planning around it is best.  Dinner is a family experience and if I account for a piece of cake for dessert then I can eat it without tanking the whole day.  But ONLY if I plan for it.
• Get a trainer and see them at least once a week.  You think you can do it on your own but unless you have crazy good impulse control you won’t.  If you see them less than once a week you will find it easier to cheat and fall off the wagon.  You won’t have the same level of another person counting on you to do the right thing.  Plus, they are great resource to learn how to do new exercises, make adjustments to current exercises to make them more effective/comfortable, food suggestions, push your preconceived boundaries of what you are capable of,  and someone who will not take it personal when you give them legit stink face.
• Pack your things.  Pack your gym bag and have it ready and by the door the next day.  I am at the gym at 6 AM two days a week.  I *have* to have everything packed and planned down to my underwear and socks.  If I oversleep or drag my feet for 5 minutes my whole morning will be rushed.  My gym clothes are laid out in a particular order, my bags are packed and I allot myself a little more time for a relaxed transition into the land of the living. 
•  Everything in its place.  For me any tiny little trip up will bust the door wide open for an excuse.  I can’t find my running shoes.  Where did I put my headphones?  The liners in all my sports bras are wrinkled and need to be straightened.  I can’t find my favorite shorts.  My shaker cup is dirty.  Shoes are always together in their spot.  I try to straighten the bra situation before they get put in the drawer.  Headphones are zipped in the running belt.  Any little thing I can do ahead of time to save me when I feel like I have no time.
• Talk to your partner about your goals.  They will play a huge part in success and probably unbeknownst to them.  Usually they want to help but they don’t know how.  For me it’s food.  I need to know what our dinner plan is so I can plan my day around it.  Or if we have no planned dinner I have these parameters that I can eat in will you help me figure it out. 

All of this is STILL a process.  I still fail.  I still get mad.  Occasionally I eat my feelings. But I am trying REALLY hard to do better.  And little by little I am getting there.  

Breaking Point

I have touched on the topic of hurdles before and admitted that food is a huge tripping point for me.  I love food, mostly carb related things but also sugar.  I love chewing it, tasting it, consuming in mass quantities it, I just love it.  Clearly my love has its limits.  I don’t really enjoy meat or vegetables.  My comfort foods are bread, pasta, cereal and potatoes.

At the gym this week I reached an emotional breaking point.  I had felt like I was doing OK with my food.  Granted, some days I would slip up a little more than other days, I honestly felt like it was all OK.  Unfortunately, there was no positive move in my measurements for the week.  They went in the WRONG direction.  What was I supposed to say?  I broke and cried at Mike.  I didn’t want to.  I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes just waiting for the trigger from my brain to turn me into a red, splotchy, embarrassing mess.  I even had the pre-emptive quiver lip, horrible right?

To be honest with myself at this point, I hated eating.  I hate salads, they leave me unfulfilled.  And chewing through one of those damn things is the most disgusting thing possible.  I feel like a discontent stegosaurus chomping through all those bitter leaves.  I felt hungry all the time.  I rarely came remotely close to my protein goal (which would explain the hunger).  If you are curious to what the cry trigger was it was to announce out loud what I had come to discover, “I hate eating now”.


Fortunately, Mike is a strong man and didn’t wilt under the frightening sight of crying female.  At least not outwardly.  I can only imagine it was an uncomfortable position to be in but he didn’t show it.  We moved on from the measurements to get a workout in and discuss what CAN I do and where is the silver lining.  I can still eat carbs and sweets just not in mass quantities.  I am going to have to be more calculated and cunning in getting them in my diet.  I don’t have to eat salads, perhaps reduce the leaf amount some and try them in a wrap.  Protein is going to have to come from somewhere.  Dairy, meat, jerky (I know technically meat), protein powder, fish, nuts (although high in fat so be careful) and any combination there-of.

It’s hard to get your dietary list and your personal list to match up sometimes.  We get busy, we get stressed, we get careless and make excuses.  Sometimes we eat our feelings, we eat to celebrate, we eat to mourn, we eat when we are bored, we just eat.

I have went three days and managed to get my macros within two grams either direction of my goal amount.  This is monumental for me.  I will be trying to plan my days out ahead of time to make sure I have room for that bowl of pasta at dinner or that Cadbury egg after lunch.  Not every day will be a success (birthday cake is happening tonight, sorry Mike).  There will be slips, falls and full on face plants but I will keep on trying.  And hopefully no more crying at the gym.

***I just passed up free chocolate handouts at the office!!  Feel free to praise me!!***

Hurdles

I missed a Monday recently due to dying of the plague and tweaking a back muscle.  Let’s just hope I got all that out of the way for the rest of the year.  I am still not 100% back to normal but on my way there. 

This healthy lifestyle decision can be quite the journey.  I find there is a lot of back and forth, at least for me.  I think one of the biggest challenges is being honest with myself.  Most days I feel like I am barely hanging on to the healthy wagon by my fingertips and dragging my feet behind it.  My biggest hurdle is food.  I love food, all manner of unhealthy food.  It’s like my body has two people inside of it, “I feel so good working out, being healthy.  I solemnly swear that I will stop eating crap.”  Ten minutes later, “I will just hit the drive thru on the way to work, it’s the ONLY way to get there on time and eat.”  The last statement is a lie.  A big, sometimes delicious, often disappointing and almost always painful lie.  If you read my previous blog posts you will know that I have a stomach condition.  I am not supposed to eat a lot of foods and everything that gets passed through a drive thru window counts as a no-no. 

Another hurdle, I am lazy.  So lazy.  It seems daunting to get up and do things some days.  But when I laze about all day I feel really bad, physically and emotionally.  There is so much I could do, that needs to be done or that would be enjoyable to do. 

Going to see Mike really helps get me off my behind to check the ‘I did something that counts as exercise today’ box.  Not because he will make a sad puppy face or yell at me.  He won’t list why eating crap is a terrible idea, we have already covered this topic I *know* it’s a bad idea.  He will expect me to give my workout my best effort.  He will expect me to communicate.  He will push my preconceived notions of what I think I can do.  He will be there waiting for me.  And if I haven’t pulled my weight at home, moved my body with purpose, fueled my body with something other than crap, then my next hour is probably going to suck more than it should.

I am sharing this with you because I don’t feel like I am the only person who struggles with this split personality and I need some help being accountable.  I would imagine most people have this ridiculous problem.   I feel like owning the hurdles that I trip over will help me overcome them or at least bring awareness that they are there.  Owning the fact that certain things I am not willing to give up (Dr. Pepper you delicious little minx, I am looking at you).   Or that I hate showers so much that I need to arrange my workout schedule around when I plan on taking one.  Or that any activity that requires peppy attitude, overly positive chattiness, and bubbly music first thing in the morning will fill me with a horrible rage.

So when you find yourself tangled and tripped up in the hurdles of life remember that EVERYONE does it.  Get up, brush yourself off and figure out what you need to do to keep successfully clearing those hurdles.

Mmmmfood

I love food.  I do not love tracking food. 

When Mike asked me to track my daily food I clarified if tracking it from my plate to my mouth counted.  Alas, my friends it does not.

I have done food journals before to help figure out medical conditions.  They are a HUGE help in many regards.  But they are a pain in the butt.  It isn’t so much that it is hard or an extremely time consuming task it’s just kind of a bummer.

I have never tracked calories before.  I figured if I want it then I am going to eat and worry about the consequences later.  I realize that is a terrible plan but it’s the one I typically operate with.  Fortunately, technology is a huge blessing!  Mike recommended checking out MyFitnessPal.  You can access it on a computer and download an app for your smartphone.  But this is why it is amazing to me; it has a bar code scanner.  One that works and pulls up the food and nutritional info almost every time.  The only time it didn’t work was some weird obscure something or other I was eating (I should probably be more concerned that it couldn’t find something I was eating).  You can also enter your exercise so that your calorie allotment for the day adjusts based on the calories you expend.  Be warned though, the fitness portion leaves a little something to be desired.

 Why is tracking food good for you? 

• It helps keep you accountable.  When you can physically see how many mini snickers you have chowed down in one day you start feeling a little guilty.
• I enjoy seeing how many free bonus calories I get after a good work out or run.  And don’t tell Mike, but sometimes I fill those bonus calories with cake!
• It is easier to see patterns which may help uncover certain trigger foods to avoid.  I have migraines and a whole laundry list of stomach issues.  I found out Chinese food made me feel like death and narrowed it down to that lovely MSG.  Another fun one with MSG, Dorito’s.  I haven’t had Dorito’s in over 8 years!
• It’s strangely fascinating to see the calories add up.  Some things will shock you by having very few calories. 

In the end, everyone is going to have bad days.  Don’t beat yourself up too bad for dipping into the candy bowl every once in a while or eating a delicious white bread sandwich BUT don’t forget to log it.  If you think of the food you put in as the amount of burpee’s you will have to do you may just think otherwise.  Happy tracking!