The Feelings of Competing

This blog post is LONG overdue. As some of you know I had my very first bikini competition in May 2016. I did better than I ever dreamed I would do. My goal was to get up on stage and do it and if I placed that was just frosting on the cake. I entered two divisions; Novice Bikini and Open Bikini Class F. Novice is for those who have not competed or placed before. Open Bikini is open to anyone who would like to compete, F is my height division. I decided to do both divisions because I really wanted to get a tiara! But if you are trying to save money and enter only one division enter open. Open is really what counts, no one really touts a novice trophy in the big pond.

I came away from my show with two pieces of hardware; 2nd in Novice Bikini and 1st in Open!! Talk about blowing the goal out of the water! I was so excited! I worked my tail feathers off and it was apparent and I won!

To get up on that stage was one of the most exciting and scary things I have done. I was really doing it. I was really going up in front of a ton of people and then asking seven strangers to judge me on my looks and my sassy nonverbal skills.

All the girls I went up on stage with were really great. We were all so excited and back stage everyone was friendly even if we were all going to be gunning for the same trophy in just a few minutes. In a sport that can be perceived as a vanity sport I met a lot of really great people. I feel like I was adopted into a family of sorts. We cheer for each other and give encouragement to each other. It is a God send to have like-minded people around when “normal” people look at you like you have lost your marbles because you are weighing an apple.

After all that training finally came to fruition I was excited to have some time off. Unfortunately, I am a dummy and set my sites on a marathon later in the year. I shifted my training from lifting to running. I still lifted just not as aggressively. I was ready to be not as regimented with my time and my diet. I needed to take the time to bask in my victory and eat cake. It was actually very difficult to let the measure everything, track everything mentality go. I could see where eating disorders could arise out of this sport if you were not careful.

 My boobs came back. I put my body fat back on and the world turned warm once again. I am so happy that I did it. Some days there were tears and some days I was angry. I was so tired and ready to be done. But there is not one day that goes by that I regret it. If you are on the fence about competing I say do it! Nothing will make you stick to a diet and exercise goal quite like a competition. You don’t have to win trophies and tiara’s to be a bad ass.

Competition Makeup – Bigger, Bolder, Better

I have spent years trying to tame my makeup into a monster that doesn’t look like it is taking over my face.  Enter competition.  Now I need to apply my make up like a drag queen. This goes against everything that I have strived to master.

In competition you need to apply your makeup as “stage makeup”. Never worked on stage? Well this means really cake it on; bigger, bolder, better!  Think about it; your audience is sitting very far away, even in the front row they cannot see if your eyeliner is on point or that your eyeshadow is complementary to your outfit.  Heck! Sometimes they can’t even see if you have eyebrows!
I had a difficult time getting my makeup on “thick” enough.  Every fiber of my being resisted against putting the fortieth swipe of color across my eyelid.  I felt like a baby giraffe after I got my eyelashes applied *blink blink*.  And let’s not even get started on the great lip color debate.

What will help make this process easier when it is go time?  Where do we start for everything these days?  Why, the internet of course!  Google and Youtube bikini competition makeup and stage makeup.  You can see pictures, get tips and tricks and start planning out the concepts of your look.  Start playing with concepts weeks in advance.  I went to the Ulta counter and got a sample of Urban Decay’s Naked 7.75 foundation. This is the color you will be after your spray tan.  Or the color that you want your face to be.  Practice applying your foundation and play with what color eyeshadow colors you think will look nice.  Try your suit on with a fresh face of war paint and see if it looks complimentary.  Practice often with fake eyelashes if you don’t have much experience.  Remember that not all eye balls are one size fits all when it comes to lashes, you may need to trim your eyelash strip. 


The more you practice and tweak your look in advance the more comfortable you will become with the stage makeup techniques.  That way when it is show time you will be that more comfortable with the process.  Either that or pay for professional makeup.

Are we there yet?

I am done.  Beyond done.  I do not want to prep anymore.  I want it to be GO time.  I want to compete and I want life to be “normal”.

When you are prepping your body for a competition you get to the point, several times, of just ready to be done.  You measure, weigh and track every crumb of food that crosses your lips.  Your standards of off zone food (i.e. that piece that touched the table or worse yet, the floor) are non-existent.  I mean you weighed that snack within a gram of its life!  You MUST consume it ALL!!!

You are in the gym every day.  Sometimes multiple times a day.  You are lifting weights and doing cardio in your dreams.  Each day loses its name.  Tuesday?  You mean leg day?  That damn stair mill taunts you from the corner of the room “you can never beat me”.  But you try super hard to stay positive.  You can watch Netflix on the stair mill after all.

With all the glitz and glamour that prep is (sarcasm inserted here) what helps a person to get through it?  Well, reminding yourself that this is a very small period of time in the relation to the grand scheme of life.  Sixteen weeks feels like 16 years when you are doing something hard but looking back you realize it’s only blink in time.  Finally receiving your suit.  Nothing keeps you from shoveling in a fistful of chips while mumbling “YOLO” quite like knowing you have a scrap of fabric you will be shoehorning yourself into in less than four months. Hearing encouragement from those who know what they are looking at.  It feels good to hear a compliment from anyone, sure, but sometimes well-meaning friends and family say things that are not from a competitor mindset.  Like you are looking really “skinny”.  But when you are in the gym with other competitors “man, you are looking lean today!” *toot toot*!  Now THAT is what you needed.

Finally, when your day comes all those days spent grumbling, sweating and sometimes crying pay off.  You will have your time to shine and know you put in the hard work and hopefully bring home some hardware.  Until then keep grinding on!

My Saving Grace

Food prep.  Most of you know about it.  It’s a huge convenience being able to go to the fridge and pull out a day’s lunch and not have to worry about macros being screwed up.  You already know the macros on this meal and it’s going to be way more filling than anything you can scrounge up through a drive-thru.

The downside of meal prep is you actually have to prep your meals.  For me the thought of planning and prepping food makes me feel overwhelmed and I want to take a nap.  I know that my future self with thank my past self but I *hate* cooking. 

I wasn't ready, emotionally, to be done!

Enter my saving grace.  My husband.  He has been a great sport as I have drug him through this weight lifting competition prep journey.  You see, he cooks almost all the meals in our house.  As prep has gotten tighter he has started to prep a whole week’s worth of lunches for me as he saw me struggling to find things to pack for lunch.  Every weekend he has been making me a full week of chicken breast for lunch.  They have all sorts of different seasonings on them.  He then weighs and packs them up for me.  Often, he will even put the sides together for me.  Typically, broccoli, green beans, or sweet potatoes. Without him I would starve to death or not stay on track with my macros.

His sacrifice of time has saved my tail more times than I count.  He helps me not stress about what I am going to be eating.  And since he has already created the meal I am more likely to eat it.   When it’s me cooking I seem to think I need to come up with something new at every meal. It’s weird how content I am to eat similar things day after day when they are already weighed and prepped for me vs. if I have to materialize something myself.

I realize not everyone has a partner or a partner that is willing to prep their meals for them.  Make it a priority one of the weekend days to meal prep for the rest of the week.  Don’t get fancy or worry about making several different dishes.  Make a staple protein and switch up your sides.  Your future self will thank you.

Oh Yeah! One Bars = Life!

If you are looking for a protein bar that is delicious as well as helping hit your macros then look no further!  Behold!  The Oh Yeah! One protein bar!  Now don’t get confused, these are not low calorie or super low in fat for that manner.  You have to be conscious of how you make them fit in your day.  But with 21 grams of protein, 10 grams of fiber and the fact that they don’t taste like compressed saw dust you are going to want to make them fit.

I have taken it upon myself to try and try all the flavors; peanut butter pie, chocolate chip cookie dough, birthday cake, lemon cake, cookies and cream, chocolate brownie, white chocolate raspberry, almond bliss, and mint chocolate chip.  The only one that I have yet to get my mitts on is the mint chocolate chip and I got a lead on where they are locally.  I have not experience a flavor that I thought was gross.  I would eat anyone of these flavors without hesitation.  My favorites so far are: chocolate brownie, almond bliss, and peanut butter pie.  The almond bliss tastes almost identical to an almond joy!!  But do take note it has 1 more gram of fat, presumably because it has two real almonds on top.

I ordered myself a variety pack off of Amazon because I am incredibly lazy and wanted to come home to a surprise one day.  But now that I have tried them I wanted to find a local source.  Super Supplements off Coburg Road had a pretty good variety and I hear Max Muscle on Franklin Blvd. also carries them (that’s where I hear the mint ones are).

These honestly taste like candy bars.  And beings that I haven’t had a full size candy bar in months it is amazing to experience.  If you are tired of other protein bars, make sure you scoop some of these bad boys up.  You can thank me later.

Meal management bags.

Meal management bags.  Are they worth the hype?  If you aren’t sure what a meal management bag is, take a second and use the Google machine.  There are a variety of brands and styles out there.  Basically they are a fancy lunch box (meal box because you will use them for more than just lunch).  I have seen from a very basic utilitarian lunch box style to duffle bag to back pack to fancy looking purse.  Another thing you will most likely notice when you Google this item is the price….yowch!  So that brings us back to the question, are meal management bags worth it?

I can’t vouch for all of them on the market.  As with all things I am sure some are better than others, but I have personally used the 6 pack bags.  You will find they are one of the more popular bags out there that come up in your internet searches.  I have the backpack style and I love it!  It keeps my food very cold all day and I have space in the backpack to bring other things with me, like gym clothes for after work.  It simplifies my crazy life on the go because I can pack food to bring with me on my errands and ensure that I have acceptable food that fits within my macros within my reach at all times.  I don’t know about you but if I get hungry and start to devour everything.  Usually the fattier and sugary the better.  This bag as seriously saved my tail so many times because I was able to scarf down a cottage cheese before heading into the next store.

Are these bags large?  Yes.  But I am not sure how you would expect to fit almost a whole day’s worth of food into a small bag.  The backpack I have is meant to pack several meals in.  It holds everything nicely in its own little shelf compartment and has a zipper pouch for the utensils.  The ice packs that come with the bag are fairly thin and I haven’t had any issue with them not staying frozen long enough.  I am not sure what type of voodoo magic the company used in the meal compartment but my food stays colder, longer, than any other lunch box I have used in the past.

If you are interested in picking up one of these bad boys may I suggest checking Ebay first.  That is where I got my bag from.  It is used but looked brand new.  The girl was selling it because it was simply too large for her.  I got it for nearly half the price!

Do you have a meal management bag?  What do you love or hate about it?

Drink Your Water!

I am told to make sure I am drinking enough water.  If only it was as easy as simply drinking water.  But the amount of water I want to drink is absurdly little and the amount of water Mike wants me to drink is absurdly more than that.  Here are some little quirks I have learned about myself: I drink more water when there is a straw or a narrow opening.  I hate getting splashed in the face by water sloshing out of the cup exuberantly.  Also, I like my water to be frosty cold.  I can drink water at other temperatures but I definitely do NOT want to! 

I like the straw cups and such but the problem is they don’t stay super cold for that long.  Someone recently showed me an amazing real life testimony on the HydroFlask.  She had one full of ice and mentioned she put too much ice in it.  I was like nah that will thaw, mine always do.  The next day she tells me she left her HydroFlask over night to do her sales pitch.  She opened the bottle and it was still almost full of ice.  Say whaaaat?!  This makes me very excited.  And the HydroFlask has options for straw and flip top sipper lids!  I also like the fact that they tell you the lids besides the standard are not water tight.  Meaning if you toss it haphazardly into the car seat it will leak.  I can’t tell you how many times I have gambled on a water bottle and made the wrong choice and ended up with a puddle somewhere in my car.  Here are a few more pros; they have a variety of sizes.  They can be used for hot and cold beverages.  They have a pretty good assortment of colors too!  The only down side to them are the price and maybe the weight.  These babies are spendy, yes, but worth every penny.  I got the second largest one I could find.  It holds 40 ounces of water and keeps it ice cold, even when I leave it in the hot car while I am doing errands.

So now I drag my HydroFlask with me everywhere.  I have learned to work within my quirks and drink more water.  Cheers!

The Beast

Cardio.  That blasted thing that makes you so sweaty and feel like death.  Some people love cardio and that’s where they leave their focus.  Either too intimidated or too content to wander into the weight section of the gym.  There should be a balance in both worlds but a lot of people who lift do not like cardio and a lot of “cardio bunnies” do not lift.  It isn’t a rule but it is a pretty accurate assumption.

Prepping for a show there is a lot more cardio in my life then there was before.  I need to do high intensity things to really get my heart rate up and my sweat on; burn all the fat I can.  I have done the sprints on the treadmill in Tabata rounds and I have also done the “stair climber” or step-mill.  The step-mill is a vile beast who can never be conquered.  Prior to my increased amount of cardio, I couldn’t make it long on this torture device.  Five minutes at eight speed and I was bailing, convinced my legs where going to disconnect from their sockets.

Fast forward to today and I will choose the step-mill over running sprints on the treadmill.  Why is this if it’s so horrible?
1.    Because it IS so horrible.  It works super effectively at getting that heart rate up and the sweat downpour going.
2.    Sprinting sucks.  Sprinting on a treadmill is even worse.
3.    I am lazy and the step-mill “seems” like less work.  It isn’t less work.  It still sucks.

Now here is the secret to staying ON the step-mill for longer than five minutes…get ready to have your mind blown...Netflix.  Seriously, if I didn’t have a reliable wifi connection and my phone to watch Netflix I would be off that thing so fast it wouldn’t count as a cardio session.  As it is right now in my life, I do not have time to watch television shows.  I literally sleep, workout, work, repeat every day.  Turning on an episode of a show I want to watch while doing my cardio is like a little treat.  Sure, I probably look like a crazy person laughing breathlessly at my tiny screen but I don’t care.  It’s like my treat yo’ self compromise.  I also try to challenge myself when on The Beast and turn up my level every five minutes for twenty minutes.  I have got up to thirteen for five minutes.  Don’t know what I am talking about?  Get on the step-mill and turn it up! 

So next time it’s time for cardio try out The Beast aka the step-mill and a movie to entertain yourself.  You might find it is slightly less awful with something to keep your eyes busy.

Toys and Juices

The gym is such an awkward place to be.  A bunch of strangers get together in a communal building and start sweating and grunting while wearing form fitting clothing in close proximity to each other.  It typically is a symphony of smells to the olfactory system as well.  There is the smell of machines, faint oil and iron, and that isn’t horrible.  It’s the smell that emanates from yourself or your fellow gym goer’s; sweat, body odor, over-done cologne and protein farts (way worse, ask my husband).  It’s a small wonder why any of us keep going back but alas we have goals and know exercise is good for us.

There is not a whole lot you can do about most of these things.  It’s the nature of the beast.  You are going to sweat, it’s the body’s air conditioning system trying to cool you down.  Farts sometime slip, you are lifting heavy things, that’s a lot of pressure, it’s understandable. 

Please note this is not my sweat silhouette.

What is NOT understandable is leaving puddles around the gym.  It’s gross.  No one particularly cares that you have your sweat on.  They care if you are leaving crotch butterflies on the machine seats or sweat halos on the benches!  No one else wants to steep in your juices.  That is why it is important that you wipe down your machines and benches when you are done.  Cleaning up after your own foul behind isn’t near as gag inducing as cleaning up after some stranger.

After you are done wiping up your fluids make sure you also take time to rack your weights.  It does not make you a bad ass to leave every plate on the bar, it just makes you an ass.  Now I have to wrestle all the plates off the bar and put them away when I just want to get my set done.  It’s not that I can’t do it.  I don’t want to have to do it and slow down.  Now imagine you are an overwhelmed new person, who might not be able to wrestle that much plate weight.  Congratulations!  You just turned a person who was trying to better themselves away, frustrating them with the whole gym experience and culture. 

RAGE!!

And don’t even get me started on dumbbells!  Why?  WWWHHHHYYYYY???!!! Are they tossed haphazardly in front of the stand instead of on it?  Maybe you lifted till failure?  I highly doubt you failed and then couldn’t subsequently rack your 25-pound weight, faceless past gym goer!!!  And the constant inner monologue “I really need those 20’s but they are by that bench” looks around gym. “Who is using that bench?  Anyone?  Are they in between sets?  Are th
ose poor weights all alone?”  I don’t want to cut in someone’s set ruining their flow but I also don’t want to alter my path for someone who isn’t even there.  I have goals I am chasing too, ya know?

So remember dumbbells go in pairs in ascending order, left to right.  Plates go on the trees and stands around the machine/benches they were with, same with barbells.  And finally sweat puddles get mopped up with the provided paper towels and spray.  We all have to share this space so let’s try to keep things nice, shall we?

Fit-shaming

Everyone has heard of “fat-shaming”.  Fat-shaming is where one party pokes fun, or shames the other party about their size, typically being seen as overweight.  Not everyone who is fat-shamed actually is overweight.  But that doesn’t mean that person doesn’t feel the pain of being fat-shamed.  Society has some pretty unobtainable standards for “ideal-weight”.  But what a lot of people don’t realize that as much as there is fat-shaming there is fit-shaming as well.  This is where one party makes fun or shames the other party for their size, typically being seen as being too lean, thin or fit.

I have always been a thinner frame.  I had heard the snorts about me needing to eat more and seen the eye rolls when I expressed frustration about feeling fluffy at a particular time.  As I have progressed in my fitness journey into the realm of competing it has gotten worse.  The shocking and maddening thing is that it comes from all body types including other “fit” people.  I had a person who works out regularly, who I would classify as "fit", and knows that I am competing bring me in a big, fat, delicious brownie.  It was from the bakery down the street and it smelled like how I imagine unicorns smell.  If you know me at all you know that sweets, but especially brownies, are my weakness.  Do you know how hard it was to walk in and put it on their desk?  And then the flack I get for not eating it “But I bought that for you?  You aren’t going to eat it?  I know you like them.”  Yes, you butthole.  I do like them. Like them very much but in less than a few months’ time I will be cramming my butt into, collectively, six inches of fabric and asking people to judge me based on my looks!  I don’t have the luxury to indulge in brownies at this moment.  I have goals, big ones, that do not include brownies unfortunately.  I am choosing to compete so I am choosing to not eat brownies.
I also get so tired of hearing “one bite won’t kill you” or “it’s just a little candy bar”.  You know what?  I am aware that I will not die with one bite.  But do you think I just want to stop at one little bite?  A confectionary game of “just the tip”?  No, thank you.  I know it’s a little candy bar but do YOU know how many grams of fat and carbs are in there?!  When a person is trying to cut they don’t have extra fat or carbs to blithely throw away on thirty seconds of sweet tooth satisfaction.

Why is it socially acceptable to shame me for being fit?  It isn’t.  Stop making “jokes” about people’s weight or size.  Stop making others feel bad or their lives harder for not being your standard of correct size.  I am going to work on me.  I am going to lift weights and do my cardio.  I am not going to eat every square of chocolate that my eyes land on.  Not because I don’t want to but because it doesn’t align with my long term goals.  Start judging people, of all sizes, on what matters; who they are as a person.  Regardless of your body size you aren’t anything of value if you have a hateful heart and a dirty soul.  Make a difference.

This is Hard.

Deciding to compete, you know it isn’t going to be easy.  You have to show restraint in your diet and discipline in workout consistency.  But what about the posing?  That should just be walking up, BAM, and then walking off, right?  Wrong.  Oh, so, so, so, wrong! 

Posing can be quite difficult.  At least it is for me.   I am entering bikini.  Bikini girls are supposed to have this youthful, smiley, sassy, sexy, flirty allure.  If you know me in person you know that I do not possess these qualities.  My neutral facial expression could be best described as ‘silently contemplating murder’.  I can’t do “sexy and sassy”.  I can do “sarcastic and bitchy” exceptionally well.  I am very confident in myself when I am wearing pants.  But put me in a tiny swathe of fabric and suddenly I don’t walk with my chin up so high.

I am going to a posing class with lots of other girls (and a few guys).  There are figure girls and bikini girls and you go through a mock up stage presentation.  I have been walking in heels for several years.  But stick me in front of a classroom full of people analyzing my every move and I lock up.  I start walking like a lumber jack with a peg leg.  Definitely NOT a sexy, fluid, sashay my brain was trying to conjure.

The flirty, smiley nature is very difficult for me to manifest as well.  If I see girls out flipping their hair and batting their eyelashes, I almost gag!  They can’t be real right?  Who buys that crap?!  Apparently, a lot of people.  And in this venue it’s what they are looking for.  As opposed to me walking up and giving a generous supply of jazz hands or a begrudging grimace. 

So now I need to get into my own brain and get it to play along.  I am playing a role in a performance.  The hair flipping, incessant smiling, and flirting is the character I am playing.  When I am on that stage I need to become her.  Maybe I should give her a name; Anastasia Beaverhausen, Anita Liktmeoff….they sound like they can be sexy and hair flippy.

I will practice every day and check in every week until it’s my big day.  Let’s hope I (or Anastasia/Anita as it where) can really nail this posing thing!

It Arrived!

Super exciting things happened recently! I ordered my competition suit and it FINALLY arrived!  Come on people squeal with joy for me.

Ordering this suit was a month long ordeal.  I hmm’d and hawed over various manufacturers, suit colors and bejeweled vs. no jewels.  These suits are no laughing matter!  They are not cheap and you don’t want to look cheap either.

I finally decided on a basic suit from Ravish Sands.  I had heard the name used quite a bit and never as a curse.  The amount of fabric colors they have to choose from is extensive.  You can order swatches to be shipped to you so you can see/feel the actual material if you want.  They have a generous variety of connectors for the middle piece, hips, and the top ties.  It’s a little weird to be looking at such tiny bikinis at work but I needed the time to stare and stew on all my options.

The staff at Ravish Sands where great.  They put up with my littering of emails with prompt replies and honest opinions.  When I finally felt brave enough to submit my order they were kind enough to call me and go over my order and make sure I was comfortable with my options.  I may have mentioned my fear that my high crack might peak out of such a little bottom. 

I ordered my suit with no additional jewels on the tops or bottoms, aside from the connectors.  My mother was kind enough to volunteer to bejewel it for me.  So her and I hmm’d and hawed over the just right crystal color (Swarovski, which I can NOT pronounce for the life of me, of course) and then over jewel pattern/idea. 

So I will post a pic of me in my suit as it is now.  Just know that you need to come to my show to see me in my festooned, tiny bikini.  I hope to see you guys there!!