How on earth do we lose our motivation?

How on earth do we lose our motivation?


We end up in a place where we are so unhappy or unfulfilled that we have decided that there is no other path than to forego pizza and spend our free time getting sweaty and sore? It seems like a crazy answer to melancholy and distress (but we all know its the right answer) Three? Six? months goes by and all of the sudden things start to drop off. A workout here, a day of charting there, and all of the sudden you find yourself eating fried chicken on your 3rd season of Mob Wives, in leggings that haven't seen the inside of a gym in forever.


Come to find out there is a lot of validity behind this type of behavior. You see it in alcoholics, they stop drinking for a while, repair their relationships a little and figure things are better. Often times it starts with one drink (slice of cheesecake) and before you know it they are drunk (eating McDonalds) everyday. This is a common behavior in people with mental illness. They are diagnosed and hit a bottom. They go see the doctor (trainer) get on a great therapeutic dose of medication (exercise) and after a little while they start to feel better. Things are great! you feel amazing and tell yourself that you don't even need medication.


We all have crazy things that pop up that deter our motivation. For me it is a stupid chronic illness. For you it might be work or kids? Death in the family? Divorce? The one thing that I am finding is more true than how long you lift, what you lift, what you eat or don't eat is motivation. Consistency.


I have been on this journey for quite a few years. I started at 220 got down to 165, back up to 195 and today I'm at 175. By all accounts this may seem like terrible "yo-yo dieting" but its not. Fitness is not linear. Despite what Pinterest tells you there is not sure fire way to "lose a pound a week" I, just like everybody else go through peaks and valleys when it comes to fitness. I have a handful of tools that I use to keep me on track that I would like to share with you.


1. Share your journey with your friends. If talking about your weight or your struggles is too embarrassing, take it to Instagram. Make an account with an alias and post your progress. Follow everybody and use a million hashtags. There is support and motivation there. I personally use my Facebook and it is amazing, the camaraderie. Everyone struggles like you do.


2. Ask for help! This is HUGE! I personally chose to seek out a professional trainer. I have a metabolic disorder and I have been in a few car accidents and sometimes I'm an absolute mess about it. I need professional help! ;-) I'd suggest this to anyone with old injuries, chronic disease or if you are even teetering on obese. It is important that we do things right or we will never make progress. Now, if you are none of those things, sign up for a class, enlist the help of a friend or even downloading the Couch25k app is sometimes enough.

3. Set a goal. Now we as women like to have a weight goal. Forget it! Quit fantasizing about "120 pounds" or being a "size 2" Here was my first goal: Walk around my block 3 times this week. That was it. My first goal wasn't to be a bikini competitor or to run a marathon. I'm 3 years deep and those still aren't my goals. Buy a pair of pants ONE size smaller, chart your food the day before and stick to it, make it to that fitness class.

4. Be easy on yourself. I have a tendency to hate myself for "failing" What do we do when we think we have failed? Blow it UP! Well I already had too much sugar today, so you know what Ill do? Finish a cake. A friend of mine calls this "going dark" Just stop tracking your foods, throw it all out the window and stomp on it. We all do this to an extent, but if you go over your limits that doesn't mean its time to gain 20 lbs and quit all together. It also doesn't mean start again on Monday or even tomorrow! Make your next meal on point!


5. STAY OFF PINTEREST! That place is where fitness dreams go to die. You spend 4 hours pinning squat challenges and water concoctions that promise instant weight loss. No one is getting a squat booty from a 30 day body weight squat schedule! Not all the information is bad, but the time you spend is wasted being led to believe that things happen fast and they happen easy.

I've just gone through a valley myself. I got sick, I got hungry, I got sad and I took 3 weeks off. Everytime you feel like you "failed" comeback at it with a few more weapons. Weight loss and fitness, just like life is never going to linear. Just dont give up.

What do you do when your own body hates itself? (Part 2)

I wrote recently about my ever recurring stomach pain and the battle within.  I had just come back from vacation with a renewed sense of vigor.  Unfortunately, that was incredibly short lived.

I tried to eat within my macros and somehow always seemed to wind up painful.  Mike and I talked and agreed I was going to have to let the macros go for a bit to see if there was any improvement.  Maybe I needed more carbs or fat?  The first half of the week after this decision went swimmingly well.  I wasn’t painful, I was eating everything in my path, the world felt right.  And then it happened.  Pain and lots of it.  I am not sure why my stomach had suddenly decided this was not gonna work but it certainly let it be known.

I called into my primary doc and requested to be referred out for an endoscopy.  The original place wanted me to wait a month for a consult.  A month?!  I felt like I was dying daily.  I would lay awake at night with my mind cataloging a list of the most horrible possibilities.  Fortunately, I was able to get them to send the referral to another office and they managed to get me in the next week for both consult and procedure.  Now I don’t WANT to be anesthetized or go through more than necessary but I didn’t know if I could keep sane if I had to play much more of the “what if it’s….” game, not to mention the pain.

It was a relief to hear that they didn’t see any cancer.  That is where my brain was fixated.  They took several samples for biopsies to rule out any other issues although the whole exam was pretty unremarkable.  I was sent home with two different medications to try.  One daily the other for any break through symptoms.  The goal was to slow my stomach down and eventually get off the medications once more.

I have been on the meds about 2 weeks with only one painful day.  My biopsies all came back normal.    I am starting back on the food tracking wagon, it’s a process.  I am a little afraid when the time comes to stop the medication.  For now I will just take it one day at a time and hope for the best.

Gym Tryouts

The gym at my work is great because it’s new, big and well equipped.  The locker rooms are roomy with clean, well lit showers.  The gym at my work is not so great because it has some weird, week long closures for “maintenance”.  I am not quite sure what they are doing for a whole week but it is screwing up my routine!

This week is one of those maintenance weeks unfortunately.  Instead of trying to limp along at home with whatever items I can find I thought I would use another gym for a week.  It has been several years since I have used this particular gym.  I used to really like it there.  It is quiet and clean, which are a priority for me.   This particular gym is non-coed, which I actually like.  I have had some uncomfortable experiences in the past at gyms of leering and bro talk.  Yes, we can hear you and read your body language across the gym bro’s, it’s not fun.  You want chicks to have bangin’ bodies?  Then stop being a creeper at the gym!  No one wants to squat with an audience.  But I digress.  When it came time to use the weight section I was severely underwhelmed.  The heaviest kettlebells I could find in the women’s section only went up to 20 pounds.  I did find some heavier ones in the boot camp section which was not in use therefore I could use the kettlebells in there.  There was no decent squat rack!  I found myself quite irritated when I peered in the men’s gym and spied a squat rack in there.  It would kind of defeat the pros of being in a non-coed gym if I threw a fit to be able to go in the men’s section to use their squat rack and heavier kettlebells.  

It was considerably busy for a Sunday.  It was supposed to be a long run day but the air quality was not lending itself to being conducive for a 10 mile run.  So I went to the gym, with the intention of running but ended up lifting.  As I was internally grumbling about the light weights and lack of free weight space I noticed that I was probably the most muscular woman there.  That was a huge shock to me.  There were several women there putting in hard work and getting their sweat on.  All in different shapes, sizes and age ranges but somehow I managed to feel like a giant in there.  It was then that I felt like I didn’t quite fit in.

I am able to cross signing up at that gym off my list.  It’s sad because it did really have potential but I can’t be someplace that I won’t be able to push myself.  I mean what’s the point?  I won’t limit my gains because whoever purchases the weights doesn’t think women should swing more than 20 pounds (I was able to swing 53 pounds by the way and it sucked) or could possibly want a squat rack.

Fortunately, I only have to figure out what to do there for the rest of this week and then I can go back to my normal routine.  Please be swift.

I did it!!

I did it!!

If you have been hanging around me or following my blog posts you may have picked up that I was training for my first half marathon.  Well, that day finally came!

I ran Beat the Blerch in Seattle.  What is a Blerch you ask?  It is a fat little cherub that follows you everywhere encouraging you slow down, to quit and do all manner of unhealthy things.  It is described in a wonderful web comic called “The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances” by The Oatmeal aka Matt Inman.  This comic is actually what helped motivate me to start exercising and running.  It helped me know that I was definitely not abnormal.  That other people struggled with rewarding themselves with fat snacks and Netflix binges for unhealthy amounts of time.  The description of the Blerch is EXACTLY what I feel so many days.

So Mr. Oatmeal created a glorious race in honor of all our Blerchs.  Whether we are trying to outrun them or embrace them or both.  Last year was the very first year and I did the 10K.  This year I graduated to the half marathon.  At the aid stations there is cake, Nutella sandwiches, and magic purple drink.  Throughout the race there are comfy couches, Sasquatch and Blerchs personified.  At the end there are more snacks to be had.  This run there was chocolate drizzled, bacon sprinkled, whip cream topped marshmallows!!  I mean really?!  It’s a magical and beautiful creation.

I don’t have any notions that I am going to break the sound barrier with my speedy running.  Or even come remotely close to top three finishers.  My goal for myself is to complete the race in the middle of the pack.  And guess what folks?  I did that and better.  I placed slightly ABOVE middle of the pack!!  My time was 2 hours and 20 minutes (don’t mind me while I toot my own horn).  I know the pressing question is did I in fact consume cake, Nutella sandwiches and magic purple drink during my run.  The answer is abso-freakin-lutely!  But this was an endurance race so I made sure to pace myself.  One item at each aid station, I had a system.

My goal is to do the full marathon next year.  The half left me creaky and taking a week off but I want to be able to check it off my ‘bucket list’.  The Beat the Blerch pays homage to my inner fat kid that I regularly struggle with (and sometimes lose to).  Besides it’s really the best of both worlds.  I will be high on endorphins and cake!

 Keep smashing those goals boys and girls!  Let there be agony, let there be cake!!

The hardest breakup of MY LIFE

The hardest breakup of MY LIFE

This is my morning. Wake up, pee, weigh myself, get a cup of coffee, check my phone, weigh myself again 3 times in a row juuuuust to make sure it is right. Then proceed on with my day. I am super prone to wild fluctuations, I can eat a piece of pizza and gain 8 lbs. No Joke! I've tried fasting and lost almost nothing, despite eating almost nothing.

I've stayed close to fitness for a few years now and I know that the scale really means very little. Yet, here I am weighing myself everyday. FOUR TIMES. This week I spent my drive into the gym, plotting all the ways I was going to tell Mike, how the macros he has me on are obviously not working because I am up 2 lbs (for today) despite being within a few percentage points of my macros everyday. Having a full on conversation in my head about how this is not working, and much to my "delight" its stats day! So I hop on the scale, yup! still up a few lbs. I pull out my little bingo wings and my fat pinch is down? Hmm. That is weird. We measure my neck, hips, arms... all smaller? What the heck? I am down a full percent of just body fat in 12 days!







I had to concede to the fact that yet again the scale is in such a small way an indicator of what I am doing. I know my main goal is to build muscle. There are a million jokes about "gainz" in the fitness community, yet when I see gainz on the scale, I lose my mind.

Lifting is hard. Sometimes I am sure I am dying. There is sweat in my eyes, I'm all weird and trembly. What is harder than lifting steel over my face is trusting the process. Believing that this is the better route. When all my friends are eating nothing but grapefruit, diet coke and cigarettes and losing weight and I am gaining weight This is the better route. When women on T.V are getting lipo and drinking cayenne & syrup. This is still the better way.




In conjunction with hitting my macros and going to the gym regularly my goal for the next two weeks is to not weigh myself. Getting healthy includes developing an appropriate relationship with food, fitness and scale obsession. I'm spending my free time lifting heavy things, I am bound to gain some weight. Luckily its not that jiggly muffin top weight, its those squareish quad, rounded glutes type weight.

What do you do when your own body hates itself? Part 1

Honestly, who knows?!  Recently, my body has decided to go through some sort of revolt.  I started to have horrible cold fire pains in my stomach (directly under my sternum).  Having a history of stomach problems at first I thought it was just a flair up of an existing issue.  But this was different.  This wasn’t presenting itself in the typical manner I was used to.

I tried to start food journaling again.  Making sure to note how I was feeling that day and all the other embarrassing details my body was going through the day (you know how doctors just love to hear about your bowel movements).  But it’s so hard to food journal on days you don’t feel like crap.  And on the days you do feel like crap the last thing you want to do is write it all down and highlight how crappy you really feel.  But the symptoms were getting increasingly worse.

I was getting angry at my stomach and myself.  This wasn’t fair!  One day I ate whatever I wanted because if I was going to feel like I ate barbed wire dipped in lava it better taste damn delicious!  On that day I didn’t have any pain, cue completely bamboozled expression.  In hindsight I don’t believe it was the fatty cheeseburger that settled my stomach I think it was all the carbs because for me carbs have always been a blanket of comfort.  I know that is NOT standard for a lot of people but my stomach is a crazy mystery.

I then started feeling really depressed.  I wanted to keep in my macros but I didn’t want to be painful.  How was I going to make gains and succeed if I couldn’t eat the way I was supposed to?  And if I ate the way I was supposed to how was I going to work out if I felt like I had Satan in my esophagus?

So without a very complete food journal I called the doctor.  This problem had been carrying on for over a month and I thought it was just some silly passing thing.  Then I started to worry maybe I had an ulcer, others suspected gallbladder issues.  After a thorough abdominal ultrasound and a gambit of blood work I can tell you that it is neither an ulcer nor a gallbladder issue.  My pancreas, liver and other levels have all came back normal.  This was very good and very frustrating news to hear.  I wanted something to point somewhere so I could have some relief.  Fortunately, my doctor feels that maybe it isn’t something quite as awful as my mind is making it.  Maybe for some unknown reason either my stomach or esophagus is angry and inflamed.  I have started taking acid reducers on a trial basis for a month to give time for healing and so far it has been wonderful!  I am not 100% symptom free but anything in a positive direction I will take!

I am not out of the woods, not even close.  An endoscopy may still be in my very near future.  But now after a vacation and whole lot of back sliding with very little stomach issues I am ready to get back into the game.  I was so depressed and down on myself I thought about giving it all up.  I now have a renewed sense of accomplishment and hope that I can heal from this stomach thing and make some beautiful progress in the gym.  Here is to hope guys!

Willpower. What helps you?

I have been told I have amazing willpower.  I don’t particularly believe that I do.  Maybe I do when other people are watching but definitely not in most situations.

A fellow blogger wrote about decision fatigue recently (find her blog here complete with scientific link) and it really resonated with me this weekend.

I have been doing fairly well with diet and exercise.  As soon as a busy weekend comes along my diet takes a dive.  I think the weekend is the worst for a variety of factors.  It is more loosey goosey and not structured the way a work day is.  It has a lot more celebration type activities and other social activities.  It gets jammed packed with events, errands, and chores.  Heaven forbid you actually try to relax!  And it’s the end of the week.  I have been being “good” all week.

How do I keep myself for face planting every weekend over this stumbling block?  Well, if we are completely honest, I haven’t figured that out yet.   Planning out your meals is your best bet.  It doesn’t have to be every stitch of food but if you know that you are having Cheeseburgers for dinner then factor that in and work your other meals around it.  

Be nice to yourself.  You heard it here folks!  Be nice!  I screw up *ahem* often and some days I find myself in a loop of negative self-talk just picking and criticizing myself.  It brings me down and then I start the self-pity party and before you know it I am playing the “why me, why do I try” game and eating my feelings.  You will screw up.  You will have hard days, hell, weeks sometimes.  That’s all normal and so is critiquing yourself.  Just make sure you are using CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.  Make a plan of what the problem is and how do we change it.  For every negative thing you say about yourself say two positives.  

Celebrate at the parties, just without the reckless abandon.  No one wants to be that chick in the corner who is looking forlornly at the cake “No, I can’t have any.  Please go on without me!  Say something beautiful in my eulogy about how I sacrificed so much and passed up the cake.”  Eat the cake.  Not the whole cake, not even a quarter of the cake but a small piece of cake will not kill you.  To help keep me from eating the cake as if it was the last substance on earth I make sure to fill my belly BEFORE I go to the party.  It takes a little more planning and it doesn’t always happen BUT if I make sure to eat so I am full before I go to a celebration it is that much easier to pass on the extra giant piece of whatever.  Partially because I don’t have to lie and partially because my stomach isn’t pinging my brain with we are dying messages.

Rest.  We go all day every day.  Give your brain a break at least an hour on one of your weekend days.  Take a little bit of time for you that isn’t going to require a lot thought.  Read a book, go sit on the porch, take a nap on the couch.  Do one of those things we often feel guilty for doing, just don’t feel guilty.  The dishes will be there when you are done.  During the week workout time is often my “me” time but I think it’s so important to have just a little bit of do nothing time too.  Helps to re-charge the go-go battery.

Decisions are hard.  Healthy decisions are even harder.  Set yourself up, the best that you can for success.  A little preparation every day can help set you up for a more successful week.  Because I don’t know about you but come Thursday I am looking into my lunchbox hoping that lunch fairies made my decisions.  Let me know if you find them because they still have yet to pack my lunch!

Weights Confidence.

I enjoy going to the gym and seeing Mike.  It’s a weird twisted sense of the word ‘enjoy’.  I don’t think there has been a single time where I cheered for what I was about to be doing.  But it’s this sense of satisfaction that I did something that I would not under my own willpower typically do.

Mike is creative in the exercises that he finds for me to do and we change it up every time.  The boundaries in which I have placed for weight lifting and the ones he sees are vastly different.

I, like a lot of women, typically do not reach for super heavy weights.  I don’t worry about bulking up, though that is a very real fear for a lot of women (you aren’t going to get bulky on accident ladies).  I am more comfortable with selecting weights that I know I will be able to handle even when I get tired.

This last week Mike suggested we use the squat rack (yay?).  He loaded up the weight systematically getting heavier and heavier.  Where I could do 10 squats before I would only be able to squeak out 5, then 2, then almost a non-existent 1.  For me it seemed silly.  One rep?  That doesn’t count!  But Mike was pleased.  He explained, that is building strength.  Even if it is one rep at a time.  Apparently, it was a PR because I squatted my body weight.  All I know is it was damn heavy and I may have broken my personal rule about grunting in the gym.

This has helped me to become more comfortable with the squat rack at the gym on my own time.  I will not load up near that heavy on my own.  But I am using a piece of equipment that I was leery of before.  Maybe one day in the future I will be able to squat my body weight but not soon.  Not if there will be grunting.

Look at that positive attitude!

Not only does seeing Mike help keep me accountable but he helps me learn how to be more comfortable by myself at the gym.  I know that if he were there with me he would still reach for a heavier weight than I would select for myself but I am selecting a way heavier weight than I would have selected in the past.  I am also more confident in form.  When I am at the gym with Mike he will make corrections and suggestions.  Although mechanics in the human body are similar to other bodies out there, my body (and yours), will have differences and nuances.   What might be a kick ass work out or intense stretch for me might be easy peasy for you and visa-versa.  I can provide that feed back to Mike and we can adjust as necessary.

I think the entire time I am at the gym I am mumbling something about how ‘stupid’ it is.  But I still enjoy it.   Maybe not the actual working out but being done is pretty awesome.  All the endorphins pinging around your brain making you feel content is pretty awesome.  So remember when you are asked to do one more set of something stupid or extra stupid that it will feel that much more awesome when you are done.  Plus,  if you do a really good job you get extra high fives and who doesn't love a high five?

Grumptastic

Last Monday I was so grumpy and just down in a funk.  I didn’t want to do anything but maybe lay on the floor.  Possibly squeeze in a self-pity cry while wrapped in a comforter doing my best impression of a burrito.  It felt like I had a haze over my eyes.  I was a Grumpasaurus Rex.

It was also gym day.  So I shuffled myself into my gym clothes and headed in to see Mike.  Turns out it was also measurement day, yay?  I didn’t expect good things.  I ate with reckless abandon for two days and when I tried to make up for it ended up not feeling well.  Mike was gracious enough to offer waiting if I wanted to, he may have been trying to avoid another tear fest at the gym.  I figure ‘whatever’ that fried chicken is going to present itself now or later, let’s get on with it.

Pleasant surprise that I was continuing the positive trend!  The numbers moved in the direction that was desired or stayed the same.  I take this as solidifying the fact that I do not have to be a dietary saint 100% of the time.  Thank heavens because if that was the case I would never make any progress.

Despite hearing the good news my face was still settled into a barely neutral expression.  We moved from measurements to working out.  Mike was elated!  Various weights of kettlebells had arrived and are ready to abuse all gym goers.  Kettlebell swings with both hands, one hand.  So. Many. Swings.  Kettlebell deadlifts and suit case carries.  I was swearing and sweating and doing my best to complete my assignments.

At the end of our session despite feeling like my ass had been handed to me by the kettlebells I felt surprisingly better.  The haze that coated my eyes was gone.  My muscles had worked out the self-pity energy.  I had a tired smile on my face, smelled bad and was ready for my shower.
Lifting, sweating, and grumbling around the gym helped to burn off the grumpy attitude of unknown origin.  We just confirmed science people!

I know it’s super hard to get out and do things, anything, when you have boarded the pity train or the grumpy bus.  If you can just get yourself to dedicate to 30 sweat fest you will feel better.  And if you don’t, you can always curl up in a burrito of sadness after your shower.

Enjoy The Ride

Cardio, blasted devil cardio.

I like lifting. Lifting is my favorite. It has come to my attention that despite my desires to lift and only lift, I need to incorporate some cardio into my life. I can run, its not fast and it sure is not pretty but I don't mind it. I started some mild running a few years ago, with the Couch 2 5k app (which I highly recommend) I have to be honest with you, while I am capable of running more than most people I know...I struggle to do it. The idea of more cardio has been on my mind a lot lately. I have a little bit of muscle, I'm Scottish so I'm pretty bulky by genetics and I am able to build muscle--but I'm also 180lbs.

All of my fantasies and grand dreams of cardio were kicked into hyper drive 2 weeks ago when I blew the motor on my Jetta TDI, unbeknownst to me this is a difficult and expensive motor to find. We have a great public transportation system here in Eugene! You can get anywhere in town for a couple of bucks, the buses are air conditioned and they run in certain areas from 5:30 am to midnight. The key word here is "public transportation" in conjunction with this great system comes a gang of homeless men that ride constantly for said air conditioning. Maybe it is just me but without fail I will be on an empty bus and the creepiest guy ever will sit right next to me and attempt to propose, or crack a smile which exposes his implant grade vampire teeth... if he has teeth at all. No matter how great of a system the city has for public transportation--It can scare even hardened criminals.

Along with a "great" bus system we also have extensive bike paths throughout Eugene & Springfield, so I decided to commit to commuting by bike for the remainder of the summer. I have a cruiser, not ideal for speed but it tops the list for comfort which is great for newbies. Big seat for my not yet squat booty, a couple of gears so a slight incline doesn't have me walking up hills? This is do able.

Most places I need to go are 8 miles away, so I'm automatically putting in 16 miles round trip! I am a quitter, I like to quit at rep 9, literally and figuratively in all areas of my life. I cant tell you how many times i got within 10% of my goal and quit. This is not my greatest quality. Riding my bike doesn't give me the option to quit. If I am 3 miles from home and feel like I am dying I have no choice. My first week alone I put in 100 miles! ONE HUNDRED MILES?! Some days just going to an appointment and running errands I am forced to burn a couple thousand calories! Generally it is not that much but even one busy day by bike and I've almost reached my cardio goal for the entire week!

Now, I am not suggesting you add 5 gallons of oil too many and blow the motor on your car (Yes, that's what really happened) or ride your fixie in the snow like a true hipster, but imagine using your body to commute one day a week? You have places to go, you can either burn your gas or burn your ass! Despite how it may seem, riding my bike is highly enjoyable. I can burn calories while sitting on my butt listening to music. I get to travel away from the cars and traffic that create so much American stress. I have seen some really amazing graffiti, flowers blooming, beavers swimming, turtles, nasty opossums. I have a beautiful freckled tan, and Im easily getting lean. We want everything to come quickly. We want all the gains-now. We want to lose 10 lbs-now. We want to run to the store-now. Traveling by bike makes running errands take just a little bit longer, but if offers you the option to slow down and enjoy the scenery. Getting fit is a journey and there is no finish line. I want to enjoy the ride.

Change the Habit

When you try to start a goal or change a habit where do you start?  Is it written in the sacred book of the goals “Thou shalt ONLY start lifestyle changes on Monday’s and no other days before it”?  I haven’t seen this magical book-o-goals before but I have heard some things consistently that makes me think it must be out there.  Heck, I have even parroted out some of the popular phrases.

Perfect Example

“I will start my diet/training/exercising on Monday.”  Why?  Why are you waiting until Monday?  Monday is by far one of the least liked days of the week.  Why make it harder by trying to tack on changing a lifestyle habit?  There are internet meme’s dedicated to the suckiness of the day! I say decide what you are going to do and do it.  For example I go to the gym Monday, Wednesday, Friday and I run Tuesday, Thursday and either Saturday or Sunday (weekends are long runs).  I am so not perfect.  Life happens and sometimes I miss a day or screw up a whole week BUT I don’t wait for Monday to fix it.  If I missed Wednesday’s workout well then I know Thursday is for running.  I don’t have to WANT to do it I just have to do it.

“I have to get in better shape before going to the gym.” …… You see those dots?  They are my puzzled expression that you cannot see.  People go to the gym to get in better shape!  Sure there are people there who are in really good shape.  Or in moderately good shape or just in better shape than me BUT they didn’t (most likely) get that way by working out at home until they felt they reached the magical ideal to be at the gym.  There isn’t a bouncer at the door who is going to stop you “No, ma’am I am sorry you can’t come in.  Your gym clothes are last season and you aren’t the type we want here”.  This isn’t an exclusive club.  It is the gym.  It smells like metal, sweat and often times, protein farts.  There are people sweating, grunting and lifting heavy items.   No one who matters is judging you for being at the gym as you are.

“I don’t have time.”  This is MY hang up.  It’s super hard to fit all the things in the day.  I need to get in exercise and get a good night’s rest.  There is also kid activities to tend to, family life to enjoy, grown up time to enjoy, chores and responsibilities.  All of these things vying for my attention.  It can be so overwhelming I cope by taking a nap.  Which, surprise, isn’t helpful in completing tasks.  I have to make it as easy as possible and as little intrusion on my family life.  That means I get up with the birds during the week and sneak out of the house to squeeze in that workout.  When I do it this way, no matter how crazy and stressful my day becomes I don’t have to add fitting a workout to my list, it’s done.  I can go home after a long of work, play with the kidlets and go to bed at a reasonable time.

“Eating healthy/at home is so expensive.”  Yea, sometimes it is.  But if you were to honestly figure out the cost of a healthy meal you made at home vs. something you have purchased at a restaurant or the drive-thru you could see the cost to benefit ratio. If you invest in some staple ingredients you can make quite a few meals without having to make a giant shopping trip.  I think the biggest rub of home cooking is it takes time.  There really isn’t a way around that.  Either you spend the time in your car and waiting for a stranger to make and bring you food OR you make it yourself (or if you are lucky enough to have a significant other that likes to cook you whine at them).  Either way the time is spent.  I hate cooking so I am very susceptible to making drive-thru excuses and exceptions.  But the feeling afterwards is never worth it.

These all take effort and dedication.  I slip, fall and fail way more regularly than I would like to admit but I get up and try again.  Sometimes I have a good old fashioned hissy fit about how unfair it all is and then I can continue on.  My goals now are better than my excuses.  I will start on Monday….and continue every day of the week with something.  I have to be in better shape for the gym….so I better get in the gym.  I don’t have time….I better find some.  Eating healthy at home is so expensive….I better invest myself.

Always invest in you.  After all, you have to live with yourself forever.

A Strong, fit ...mom?

I am watching American Ninja Warrior last night (which is quite enjoyable. Equal parts of motivating and disheartening for my progress) and something peaked my interested. A lady was competing and as she started out the obstacle course she stated "I am going to be the first mom to make it up the warped wall" Which got me thinking, 

Why does motherhood not parallel with fit, strong women?

Motherhood changes you. I get that. We get rounder and softer. That is the way that it is supposed to be, but that doesn't mean that once we are moms we can no longer have a fit body. Here is the real kicker! Its not our bodies that pose the biggest hurdle. Its our head. Just like we are designed to get wider and softer for babies, we become martyrs!

Kid is sick? Gym can wait. Field trip? Gym can wait. Kids want pizza? Easy enough. Husband has a work dinner? They're serving pasta? Well, I don't want to be rude...

No one has more reasonable, viable excuses not to get fit than mothers. Last year this picture caused a substantial amount of upheaval. Women around the country were up in arms. "Whats my excuse? Excuse me? I got it. What was my excuse? That my last baby was over 11 lbs? Yeah, but that was 9 years ago. How long am I going to ride that out? That my son has seizures, so I need to be here for him... but hes at school right now?

The struggle of being a mom is one of the greatest challenges. Everyday that I take some time to put my needs first, even for an hour-- I become a better mom. When I exercise. My kids exercise. When I don't fold and eat pizza my kids aren't eating pizza. How are we to decipher the line between being selfish and self care? As women we are biologically designed to be the care takers, if there is only enough of something for one person our child's needs come first. This holds true for me, my kids ALWAYS need something. I have spent over a year justifying to myself why going to the gym and having a trainer isin't a fair decision for my family. Until my son said his favorite thing to do with me is watch TV. His favorite memory with me is sitting on the couch, staring at a picture that involves no communication, no excitement and no growth. 

Its hard to focus on ourselves, and the cliche saying holds more truth for moms (or any parent, really) than anyone else. We cant take care of anything if we are not taking care of ourselves. No one likes a crazy, unhappy, frazzled, mom. I look at my time with the trainer as a gift to my kids and my husband. Even if emotionally I am not ready to own that just taking some time to struggle through a few squats and dips is a gift to myself.